Wednesday 7 February 2018

Why I'm Going to Stop Putting Pressure on Myself



I spend an immense amount of time putting pressure on myself, whether it be with my uni, my blog or even going to the gym it's a habit that is definitely hard to kick. I just seem to expect everything to run perfectly all the time and that's just not the case.

One of my micro goals for 2018 is to ease off on myself when it comes to expecting my life to run like a well oiled machine. Whose really does? 2017 was a year of emotions and overall kind of a mess. I was determined not to make those same mistakes again. But something I realised (which my boyfriend has actually been saying for months) is that my overthinking/over emotional self tends to be my own worst enemy in these less than perfect situations. I've said before but I'm the queen of overthinking and thinking myself into bad moods. Something which really isn't that problematic will suddenly seem huge and then I'm left, miserable refusing to do anything because I feel like the day is ruined. I literally did this last week at the gym, despite the fact I have been on a major health kick, managing to go four times a week. I had a bad day and got told about my form by someone who was trying to be helpful, but in my crazy mind, this ruined everything. All the progress I've been making for the past year or so of my fitness journey felt insignificant and I couldn't even have a good workout. I just sulked and wanted to go home (yeah I overthink that much, looking back it's not even a big deal.)

But after a little time, I realised how pointless that was, I've been making progress regardless if my form is a little slack at times (I have a curvature in my back okay) and the fact this threw off most of my day was pointless and just distracted my from accomplishing everything I had initially set out to do.  On top of that, since the new year I have been on a super positive high and all it took was a few measly words to stop that? Pathetic. Obviously words can hurt but those came from concern and it was me who made it out to be the end of the world.

Satin Shirt - PrettyLittleThing
Jeans - Miss Selfridge (similar here
Earrings - Topshop (similar here

Stepping back and realising how insignificant situations like this are, and how often they occur made me realise they really aren't worth my time. Not even to reflect over because what can I learn from it? I am now making a conscious effort, when I get these feelings of overwhelming shitiness to say "no" and step back from it. I know I'm the one that works myself up and obviously this won't be successful every time but more often than not if I manage to stop myself overthinking, I won't get that feeling of inadequacy. "Oh everyone else is so much better than me at _______", "Why is my blog growing so slowly?" "Why can I not do _____."

Really in the grand scheme of things, what does thinking like that accomplish? All it really does it make me feel shitty and then ruin my day. No one else's. Especially when Rome wasn't built in a day so why do I expect to go into the gym thinking I can squat 80kg, or have my blog reach thousands of people in a week? That's the dream and what I'm gunning for but obviously it'll take some time to reach those and I'm okay with that.


Ren x
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